Today is my Lil One’s Birthday

25 07 2008

Today is my lil one’s 21st Birthday.  She’s officially an adult (in the eyes of the law); however, she’s been an adult to me for far longer than that.

My daughter is the most beautiful person I know and the relationship we have, as both mother/daughter and as friends, is the healthiest relationship I have.  We both work hard at it, and we both recognize that neither of us are perfect, neither of us are easy to live with.  We both come with our share of baggage – but that’s alright.  That is what it is – it may guide us in the things we do, and contribute to the mistakes we make, but it will never define us as people.  Only we can define us as people.

We don’t live for the approval of others, and turn only to those who truly love us for advise on how we live, mostly, we turn to each other.  I admire, respect and stand in awe of my little girl for her strength, wisdom, abilities, and in general just for the person she is.  Maybe one day I can grow up to be just like her :)

I wish more than anything that I could be there with her as she celebrates tonight.  I will raise a glass at 8 (and then 9 since she’s likely to forget at 8 and start kicking herself) to toast my best friend – she will raise hers in turn.  In this way, across the distance, we share a moment with the most important person in our lives today. 

I wanted to send or give her something special today but finances will not allow it – and that hurts.  But, as she graduates AIT in September, and will get leave to visit then, I will celebrate her and my birthday in a big, and meaningful way.  (Hopefully she’s not dragging me to the tattoo parlor.)  Shea Stadium’s last year and some helluva seats, Dave & Buster’s (maybe we can get kicked out again), The Village where we’ve spent so many of mine.  I don’t know exactly but I can’t wait for that day.

But, I digress, what I really want to say is ….

HAPPY BIRTHDAY POOH – MAMITA LOVES YOU.





Days After 4/20/03 Entry

21 07 2008

Dear Ray,

Happy Easter babez.  I spent mad time on teh phone with sis today, and in doing that learned a lot of things about you.  Some good – some bad.  I really want you to know that I still love you no matter what.  I wish we could have known each other better in life because I think I might have been some help to you and I think you would have been some help to me.  Now all I have are “If only.”  Did you try to call me that night?  Was that directory assistance?  I’m never going to know now am I?

My Lil Ray of Sunshine, I truly wish that you could have found a safe haven with me.  Everyone needs a place to “come home” when things get tough.  Do you feel like you’re home now?

I realize that what I’m hearing is one sided, and you are not here to speak up for yourself.  I refuse to think badly of you as I think you were lost and needed guidance – and help – to know that you were a valuable special person deserving of love.  We all do things in life that we know are wrong, or that we regret, but our mistakes are just part of the weakness that is inherent in human beings.  You should have realized that we love people in spite of those weaknesses.  Making mistakes aside – the only thing we can do as a family is to love one another unconditionally and cherish our time together.

Ray of Sunshine – I love you.





Days After 4/19/03 Entry

16 07 2008

Hey Baby Bro,

I’m trying to honor your memory by writing every day.  I don’t know if you can read this, but if you can, I want to say a couple of things.

First, J___ loved you.  In some ways J—y is a lot like you.  He is also a big mush.  Yes, you heard me, a big MUSH.  He is a sweet, gentle, sensitive soul who you never had to fear replacing you.

Sorry, I got distracted.

Are you seeing things the way they are?  Do you see now that you were SO loved?  Do I love you deeply enough?  You left me too soon and there is no replacement for you.  Did you have a twin?  Did you meed Grandpa?  Ain’t he cute?  Is Dad there?

WHY!

Bro I love you.
Bro I miss you.

WHY!

I’m sorry, please know that I am, and will always be, sorry.

WHY!!!!!!

I’m breathing now, kisses and hugs Sweetie in the most real respect of the words.

Your Sister Alwayz,

Mwah





First entry: 4/18/03

9 07 2008

Dear Ray,

Since in life I never had the fortune of being your big sis, I am going to try to do that through this book and my thoughts of you.  First, I want to apologize to you for the mean I.M.’s and e-mails.  Although it is not an excuse that absolves me, I truly did it out of hurt and frustration at not being able to make you understand that I truly do/did love you, I didn’t want to lose you.  I’m sorry for criticizing yoru poems as I’ve looked back at both yours and mine and see now (too late of course) that I was not better than you and often I was worse.  I should have recognized that you weren’t truly asking me to critique them, but wanted some affirmation and validation from a big sister.

My Lil Ray of Sunshine I didn’t appreciate you enough in life and my appreciation of you in death stenches of hypocrisy.  Love, pain, anger, confusion, suspicion and doubt have all engulfed me in ways I never imagined possible.  I’m sorry sorry sorry for every wrong I’ve done you and wish only to have time to make it up to you.  Please forgive me.

Big Lil Bro, you are very missed.  This world is all the colder with your light, your beautiful Ray of Sunshine, gone.

———-

Ray, look at this poem your niece wrote.  She misses you so much too.

I was on a mission today
Today I felt I had to pray
God look real high and look real hard
gimme an angel and make it guard
Make it understand life
and give him the pain of divorcing a wife
Give him the skill to weep
for another person’s pain
and my heart he wil keep
to shelter it fro rain
shape him into a worldly figure
and if his smile is big than his heart must be bigger
So soul searchign he went
and then he found Ray
a moment with him spent
would take my pain away.

*FYI, my daughter was 15 when she wrote this





Poem – A Soldier’s Tale

8 07 2008

You are a battle scarred veteran in the oldest war
Man against Himself
And before yet reaching manhood
You have become quite old

You were missing in action
What did you see at the front?
Did the sulphur burn your tongue?
Did the gunfire deafen your ears?
     (In time to silence the screams?)
Did your fallen’s stench block the aroma of roses?
Did you even see it coming?
Will you EVER feel my touch?

Now, no longer a prisoner of war – you return
Brave, Intelligent, Sensitive Soldier he once was
     or is?
Trapped still within
Behind barbed wired bravada and a wall of smiles
Ghost eyes – numbed silence
The veteran of the eternal war.

Who Won?





FYI – I’m not actually gone

8 07 2008

although it may seem so. 

RIght now it’s all about struggling to keep afloat, in a lot of ways.

I look for reasons that life in itself is even worth all this effort.  I can’t find any.  I’m past tired of struggling.

I am bankrupted by the weight of the mistakes I’ve made, emotionally and financially.  The meds, the car, all those things that continually hit me have killed my finances so much so that I’ve had to sell things that had real meaning to me.  And yet, it isn’t enough.  I get really tired of being the one who just works and stumbles through life, through my days, with zero to show for it.  Nothing.  Nada.  Why friggin bother.  Whose fault, my fault, I made the decisions on what I’ve done and no amount of pressure in teh world can replace my own free will – so I will not buckle and blame since it does no good.   I have backed away from my work friends since I am weary of going to lunch and watching them eat while listening to “what I want to buy” and “where I want to go” and “what I want to do” when my choices in these departments don’t exist.  I don’t resent that they have these things, I just feel the fool as I sit quietly trying to pretend I am at the same level that they are.

Emotionally, I’m spent.  I am so tired of the rollercoaster my emotions go through – although again, I choose how I feel so I am doing this to myself.  Every day dealing with the b/f who plays way too rough with both myself and the dog, who is loud, demanding and needy.  Every day dealing with a work environment that sucks me dry – my coworkers, my trainees, my bosses – everyone knows it’s a given you go to the Guru.  I’m so angry that I am so helpless as the b/f ignores, doesn’t answer, hides from his father, mother and brother to the point where it breaks my heart that I’m contributing to this hurtful, needless bullshyt.

I am entering depression not with the usual caution – where I get myself lined up to cope – but instead scrambling like a crab on the shore – but it won’t keep me from drowning will it?  Each new day reminds me that things will not be getting any better soon.  How will I wrangle us through another day, what will I sell, who will call blaming or pleading with me, how will I lie my way away from my friends, why the hell do I bother at all.

Really, I wish I were a bear.  I could go into a cave and hybernate – just sleep through this merry portion of my life.  Nobody could ask me for anything, nobody could accuse me of anything, nobody could need anything from me, I could think whatever the hell I want without something in the way and just be a real friggin person for once.

But that won’t be happening so for now – peace.





We keep making mistakes don’t we?

1 07 2008

When my son was 5 we went to Seaside Heights for the summer to work in a seasonal pizzeria.  Childcare was being provided by the owner’s grandmother and we would both be working full-time, and staying in a studio rented by the owner.  It looked as though things would go nicely, the ex would work 7 days a week, I would work 5, and at the end we would be given so many thousands (I don’t recall the number but it was enough to make it worth abandoning our apartment for 2 months.)  Not long after we got there he found someone new to have a crush on.  Another blonde of course.  She hung around the pizzeria acting as though the crush he had was nothing but a nuisance – she was lying.  Since I was restricted in who I could talk to and what I could do I befriended her to get past being lonely.  Mistake.  The next few weeks were nothing more than the two of them flirting, bottles of budweiser and me getting mader and madder.  During that summer I ran into someone I was a kid with, the girl up the block who would fight me weekly, Caroline.  I didn’t notice her, or really recognize her, but she recognized me.  She introduced me to her husband – ZZ Top.  Well he looked like it anyway.  Gone was the beauty queen, the Farrah Fawcett look-a-like and replaced was someone I didn’t recognize even after she told me who she was.  It was so exciting for me to see someone from my youth.  I had no photos left in the world (after the Frank and Nikki bonfire that marked my betrayal) so it was amazing that a real person existed.  I brought her to the pizzeria to introduce to the ex – but he was busy being pissed off that I didn’t rush right over there with his camera and he lost a great moon shot.  Because of that he didn’t even fake being nice to them and they quickly ran out of there.  I, as is customary, was reduced to tears.

I wrote a short story that came about that summer.  Although put together like a poorly written story, this was an actual moment I wanted to preserve – there were so few of those.  I’ll leave off with that memory and not jade it by continuing this part of life.

The Last Time I Saw …

The last time I saw my Grandfather he was walking along the beach with his metal detector.  Actually it was not the last time I physically saw him, but it was the last time that I would see him and be able to talk to him person to person, eye to eye.  I remember my surprise as I stood at the rail on the boardwalk looking down upon the steaming sand, noting nothing remarkable until, from the corner of my eye, I spied his figure.  He had a figure that I had grown up knowing in silhouette – distinct in my mind – but not as his.  It was the familiar figure of Alfred Hitchcock that came to mind whenever I looked at Grandpa 

He was slowly searching the sand for buried treasure with his prized metal detector – a hobby that he had adopted after retiring from the workaday world.  Although I knew he lived somewhat close to Seaside, that was the first time that it occurred to me that I might actually run into him.  I suppose one never expects to run into their grandparents at the beach.  I smiled silently for a moment as I watched that adorable man, donned in shorts, t-shirt. baseball cap and earphones studiously monitoring his valuable machine for blips or beeps.  But that moment passed quickly as I called out to him, “Grandpa, Grandpa” waving my hand furiously to draw his attention.  He spied me yet seemed puzzled as to who I could possibly be.  I was, after all, the only black haired granddaughter that he had.  After a moment or two of contemplation I watched as he seemed to awaken.  As he waved back I began to walk toward a place where hellos could become hugs. 

I brought him to the pizzeria where Kenny, my ex-husband, worked and we fed and watered the old dear.  We sat talking at a table for moments too swift, not knowing then that this would be the last time we would really have the chance.  We talked briefly of family matters that, in the big picture of things, seem not to have mattered enough for me to note them; of the wonderful treasures found beneath the sand thanks largely to his narrow, metal sidekick; of why we were in Seaside at all, and how long we planned to stay.  Small talk filling a smaller moment in time.  I asked him why he would want to wear that baseball cap, I could not remember having seen him in one before, and he showed me the brilliance of the sunlight upon his naked head.  I joked with him about not seeing me only feet away from where he was, and he explained his glaucoma operation that would be taking place that month. 

We embraced as I walked him out and said goodbye.  I may have just spent moments listening, but I was not hearing.  He was not telling me about small items that day, he was telling me, I am old now and time is ticking away.  He was warning me that he would not be here forever, yet I did not heed his warning.  He was telling me goodbye that summer’s day and I was saying “Talk to you soon.”  I was but a foolish child. 

As he walked away, the sun was taking a bow before fading away.  I did not, until this day, see that something more blindingly beautiful had also taken their bow.  As I yelled goodbye, at the moment the surf washed the sand back into its home – the sea, did he here talk to you later or did he merely whisper, “Yes, goodbye.”